so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
