I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
