Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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