Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
