I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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