Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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