i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we're making bets on your personal life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
