HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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