Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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