the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
