you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
