I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
