he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
