You're so nebulous sometimes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
