half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
