Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
