i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
