There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
