Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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