you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
