The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
