OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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