Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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