i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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