every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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