my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
