just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
