we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
is it fun? or sober?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
