that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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