At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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