Already got asked if we're dating
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
