its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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