Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
