Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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