went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
