I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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