i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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