STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
