somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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