She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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