So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
