we made out on top of his cat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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