I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
