This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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