I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
