i permit you to call me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
