There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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