the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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