I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
