I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's always time for handjobs
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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