There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
