i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
someone owes me an orgasm
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
