I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
