Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
