evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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