Jerry, you need to find god
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
