honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
