you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A bitchslap is in order.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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