I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
