i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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