Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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