i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
