Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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