hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
