I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
