I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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