playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
