That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
