I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
