Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
