College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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