fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
