I'm pants shitting drunk right now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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