i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
did i just pee glitter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
