i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
