I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
