I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
