Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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