During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well I just put wine in my tea
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My ass is underappreciated
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
