Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
