Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
