Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The uberlube is also flammable
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
