See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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