It's Friday. Sex?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
