You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
