Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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